Answers

How to discover them

Do you avoid doing things because you cannot find the right way to do them?

Have you spent the whole week finding ways to do something instead of doing it?

As I walk my dogs in the mornings in Kampot, Cambodia my mind often drifts to many different thoughts. That’s when I am not stopping the local Khmer dogs trying to attack my dogs. Or teaching the local school children how to respect animals and look after animals. Or handing out the free dog medicine I give to my local village dogs, as I love to pay it forward.

But today I thought about how hard it always is for me to start something because I always want it to be perfect. This website for example. I have been building and trying to perfect it for over three years.

We all want to get things perfect

But really why is that so important?

Is it because we are afraid of failure or embarrassment? Or because we do not want to waste our time?

Often if we feel we need to do things the correct way we ask others for help. But what started as an idea can end up becoming an obsession. Which can waste a lot of time.

So what I worked out today was it was time to stop searching for the answers. Just let this site be and I will all fit into place one day. I already knew that but I kept searching for answers. So in this post, I want to help you realise what you already know.

The problem when you search for answers

Constant searching and asking for answers means you are limiting your own beliefs. This belief you have now created tries to convince you that you cannot choose for yourself thus you start to doubt yourself even more and you are now in a vicious cycle.

Starting Finding Chantel in 2000 I spent hours researching the best methods for building an email list, recommending products, writing better blog posts, etc. I have spent A LOT of money on setting up a website, courses, and memberships. Many of them legitimately helped me, but some simply were not worth the money. All this was because I was constantly searching for answers.

In the beginning, I just wanted the easy way out and I did not believe in my ideas or myself.

Searching for answers was my avoidance tactic because I didn’t want to take responsibility. I wanted others to figure things out for me. But this was strange as I love learning new things and working things out and I love teaching and helping others. But I realised when it came to a website and maybe having to be noticed I wanted to hide in case anything was wrong.

I was stuck, but why?

Other people’s advice can help a lot, especially if they help you avoid the problems they went through. But what I found many times they were creating more struggles or were only in it for the money and not with empathy. I found when I was trying to force the answer to come to me I was met with disappointment. But where did that disappointment come from?

Imbalance

When someone gives you advice you may feel disappointed and out of balance. As this may not have been what you would do. You can admire their ideas and thoughts and want to follow in their footsteps, but their ideas are not yours. You are just following like a sheep. This will put you out of balance. Which can then make you feel not good enough or capable of being your success.

Advice that does not come from someone qualified

Many people are there to offer you advice but you do not have to follow it. You can listen as listening is the most powerful gift we were given. When it comes to taking someone else’s advice, you have to consider whether they’ve been through what you’re dealing with. For example, if you’re struggling with how to get your website noticed, taking advice from someone who knows nothing about a website will not get you very far.

Being overwhelmed

Maybe you have been trying to put together all the advice you have received from multiple sources, or you’ve taken so many notes that your brain feels like it might explode. Then you want to give up. When you overwhelm yourself, it only pushes you further away from the answers you are trying to find. Your motivation starts to disappear because you do not know where to start. Trying to force answers to come can lead to more frustration and confusion than when you started. Thus it may make you just want to give up. Do not give up, listen to yourself.

How did I create my Answers?

I stopped spending time searching for answers, I went back to the old days when answers were not handed to us on a plate. Where you could not get answers from others on an electronic device. I started to listen to what I wanted. Then I started to take action and figured it all out by myself.

I had my usual fears and thoughts but what if I started following my advice and ended up making a huge mistake?

Then I realised I am always saying to my students “We all mess up and do stupid things. Mistakes are part of learning. What matters is that we try.”

I do not mean stop taking advice from others as there are many wise people out there who can help. But maybe just take a small amount of their advice and research the rest for yourself. Ask the professionals who run and work for the companies you are using.

In my case, I used Elementor to help me build this website. I have had days where I am sat at my computer smiling at what I have created and others where I want to tear my hair out. When I have days like this I ask for advice in the Elementor Facebook group.  I have had good and bad advice which can leave me wasting days.

In the end, I went directly to the Elementor help desk. I learned to ask the people who built it all rather than people who are also trying to build their dreams. From Elementor I received perfect help and now I would not change it any other way. I will always go directly to the main source.

Take away

So if you are reading this blog post where I am giving you advice. Whether you were searching for answers or not, I always encourage you to take what I share and make it your own. Take what resonates with you, try it out, and make discoveries all for yourself.

The key here is to delve into what you already know and make your own decisions so that you can increase your confidence. The more you become aware of what you’re avoiding, the greater chance you have of overcoming it.

I hope this post encourages you to listen to what you already know. I also hope it helps you know that do not waste time trying to do things right the first time. Most people never get things right the first time. Look at the likes of Richard Branson who has had many businesses before he got it right.

You have the answers you need already. Find them within you.