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Relationships end for a variety of reasons
Ending a relationship is so hard. They can end in many ways and for many reasons. Sometimes it can be conflict but sometimes it involves other reasons. Whatever the reasons ending a relationship with someone you still care about is hard. So breaking up with someone you love should be done in the right way. To break up the right way is to be aware of your and their feelings.
- Acknowledge breaking up will cause pain on both sides
- Make sure you have a face-to-face conversation
- Be honest but do not go into huge details about why
- Avoid responding when it turns into an argument
- Make a clean break this is to create distance
- Be sympathetic and empathic
- Do not shame or blame the other person
- Also, allow yourself to grieve over the end of the relationship
It is important to remember
Ending a relationship is hard
Ending a relationship can be a huge loss. It can be seen in the same way as recovering from a death. Many people go through the same thoughts and feelings as if someone has passed away. Therapists usually call this “The cycle of grief.“
Whatever the reasons are as to why the relationship ended, the end still needs to be processed healthily. This means taking some me time, and giving yourself space so you can reflect on yourself and what you want from life. Ending a relationship can be very hard to do whatever age you are. I found my relationship hard to end because I was lied to so much. Especially as I was suffering from brain damage.
You also still may feel you don’t want to end the relationship, but why? Because ending a relationship you have devoted a lot of time, energy, love and money to is hard. Thus you are not ready to walk away from it. Even if it is not what you truly want or even if it is a destructive relationship. Ending a relationship is hard.
Many thoughts can keep popping into your head
Thought like
- If I end this relationship it will take me a long time to get over it?
- I will never find anyone else who will care about me the same way.
- Will I have to put a lot of effort into a new relationship to feel the comfort I have now?
- I’ll never find anyone ever again
Is there a right time to end a relationship?
There is never a right time and never a wrong time when it comes to ending a relationship. No matter how old you are. Wouldn’t it be lovely if there was a magic wand that hit you on the head while you were sleeping and said?
“Now, now is the time for ending a relationship.”
Even when I started to work out the truth I found it hard to break away. Mainly because I was being controlled by a narcissist. So ending a relationship was very difficult to do.
How to Break up the Right Way
There is no “right” way to break up. Every relationship is different, and every person in a relationship is different. It is up to you to consider the personality, needs, and feelings of your partner. But here are some ideas that may help you.
Acknowledge breaking up will cause pain on both sides
There is no pain-free way to break up. It would be wonderful if we could end a relationship without any hurt or pain. But no matter how broken the relationship is, officially ending it will cause pain on both sides. Once you acknowledge that there will be pain, you can be prepared for the aftermath.
Make sure you have a face-to-face conversation
Your partner deserves the dignity of a face-to-face conversation rather than an email or a text. If you’ve ever been dumped by text or email (or if you’ve been ghosted altogether), you know how it feels to be given so little consideration that the other person didn’t even bother to tell you in person. Why do the same to another person?
So be better than them and do not do the same to another person?
Try also breaking up in a pleasant setting. It makes it easier for you both. If you are worried about your partner having a violent reaction, make sure it is a public place to be safe.
Be honest but do not go into huge details about why
People do not want to know the details of why they are being. They do not want to hear “you are terrible in bed” or “you have no ambition.” It might seem helpful to help them but it does not. As it does not preserve your partner’s self-esteem or dignity.
Using sentences like “I don’t feel we are compatible sexually” or “I don’t think we are on the same page anymore” are nicer ways to express your feelings. Do not do a play-by-play account of what the other person did wrong. Also do not use clichés like “it’s not you, it’s me.
Avoid responding when it turns into an argument
If the breakup is a surprise for the other person, they might try to argue, protest, or give reasons why you should remain together and try again one more time. If you are at the point of breaking up, nothing can restore or revive the relationship now. Giving in will only delay the inevitable so be strong.
Make a clean break this is to create distance
Do not suggest you stay friends. Avoid saying “Let’s keep in touch.” If you want to move on from romantic relationships, you need to make a full break. You may end up friends again down the road, but this is not the right time to consider this possibility.
Be sympathetic and empathic
Express your sadness at the breakup and share some good things about your time. Soften the blow by talking about some of the good times you shared.
Say something like, “You taught me so much about life and I have learned a lot over the years, thanks to you”. You want to make the other person feel like they positively impacted your life despite the relationship ending. As I am sure they did.
Do not shame or blame the other person
Remember nobody is perfect so avoid turning the other person into “the bad guy.” Turning your ex-partner into an evil figure is not helpful it only makes you look bad. Aside from obvious instances where there was violence, that’s not the kind of relationship I am talking about right now.
They may have done some bad things, like cheating on you, but they are human too. They m, ay have only cheated as they also could see the end was near. It’s better to resolve your feelings around what they did rather than who they are.
Also, allow yourself to grieve over the end of the relationship
If you are the one ending the relationship, there will be a period of heartbreak, sadness, and pain. This is one of the most difficult parts of figuring out how to break up with someone you love. You still care about them, but you need to remind yourself of the reasons why the relationship isn’t working.
Takeaway
If you do end your relationship or your partner ends the relationship then you need to learn to love your self. As you need to heal before you jump straight into a new relationship.
Otherwise you may end up in a rebound relationship. So be very careful so that you do not move too fast. Because if you have not healed properly you can take all that baggage with you into the next relationship.
This is when you may end up in a rebound relationship. When you are feeling this low you could also attract someone like a narcissist.
The goal of making sure you do not jump quickly into a new relationship. Is to make sure you do not bring any of the same emotions and feelings from your past relationships into your new ones. If you are affected from your last relationship please get professional help.
You could also help yourself by taking a piece of paper and start writing down the pros and cons of your past relationship. Then take another piece of paper and write down what you did not receive from your past relationship and what you would like to receive from your new one.
I suggest reading some of these great books
They really helped me to recover
-
A book about why we find change so difficult – The Happiness Hypothesis – Jonathan Har
- A book to help you change your habits –by James Clear
- A book to help you recover from a narcisstic parent – by Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D.
- A book to give you strength when dealing with a narcissistic person –by Victor Murphy
- A book to help you recognize and deal with manipulation tactics from toxic people – by Shahida Arabi MA
