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Someone who listens
What is a friend? Well, my friend at that time was more of a social friend than a close friend. But one day she did completely shock me.
She shocked me because what I was led to believe about her was not true at all.
Having heard so many bad things about this friend I sadly just believed them. I asked myself why did I not try and find out the truth for myself.
But I worked out I was being brainwashed. The same as society does to us every day. Especially if you watch your country’s news.
Thus how do you get brainwashed? Well, I was told by Sissy that she was a flirt. That she always tries to flirt with everyone and takes people’s partners. This may have been true with one couple but really was this who she was?
Sissy was my girlfriend at the time. She is no longer due to a huge reason, brain damage.
Thus she always told me that this friend always flirted with her. That she felt uncomfortable with her and that she had to stop her keep coming onto her.
Now I know that was not true. It was more the other way around. It’s hard sometimes to find the truth.
This wonderful person shocked me
So how did she shock me? Well she helped me when I needed it. So what did she do to help me? She just listened.
Most importantly she did not judge and she did not say
“Ask someone else.”
Instead she did something so simple, she just listened. This is what I do with my coaching.
Putting bits together
I told her about the night before the accident which I have not told many people.
That my ex girlfriend who I have called Sissy had phoned me saying she wanted to kill herself. That she could not live without me and was scared. That she wanted to prove to me she had changed.
Sadly she had not changed. She was exactly the same as normal. Which included being mentally abusive, sometimes physically and angry. But this time I ended up with brain damage.
My friend then started to put bits together about the night before the accident. As my friend had been working at the bar the night before the accident. She had seen Sissy come into the bar and drag me out to go to the quiz night.
She worked out a lot about the accident and said the whole thing may have been premeditated.
I always had these thoughts like this myself but I never spoke up to others about this. Only my wonderful fiancé knows my thoughts.
Why do we just believe people
It saddens me that I was made to believe this girl was bad. It just shows you should not always believe what you are told.
Due to bits, she remembers about our relationship. She obviously has Emotional Intelligence and should be a coach. She is aware of what you often do not see, say or hear.
There has always been so many different stories from Sissy and other people. It’s so obvious now that most of what we were told was lies.
I started to research narcissists and psychopaths
I started to research Narcissists and Psychopaths even more. This was because of my friends information that she provided me with.
Always being fascinated with psychopaths seems to be why I attract them. Maybe I am wrong but why do I attract them?
There will be a few other blogs about other ones I have met over the years and still keep meeting.
I discovered while researching that Sissy had all the traits of a narcissist and a psychopath.
I had already spoken to Emma Sissy’s sister about these traits before speaking to my friend. She was the one that told me that her mum and dad had already discovered these traits.
She also told me that her parents felt destroyed. Especially with the abuse she had put them through and was still putting them through.
I was getting all the old history about them growing up. Many of the stories that Sissy had told me were completely different.
Sissy had twisted everything to blame someone else. Emma explained one day that Sissy had even got their dad arrested. I won’t go into why he was arrested but their dad has never gotten over it.
Even Sissy's ex girlfriend helped
Sissys ex girlfriend got involved when she found out that I was talking to Emma.
She was able to prove Sissy’s lies by sending me emails of conversation between her and Sissy.
The stories just kept unfolding and unfolding. Once you are aware it becomes so easy to see all the traits. It is also so easy to read through all the lies.
Sissy had so many of the same reactions to things a psychopath would have but with narcissistic traits.
Sadly the family suffered a lot of abuse over the years. But like many families they ignored these sides of her, as they are family. Family always want to believe their child is not really like that.
This research also helped me a lot when I was studying to be an Emotional intelligence coach.
What I went through has also helped me a lot
Despite the trauma I would not change what I have been through. As I am able to help others. I am also studying for my degree in psychology. This will take me a long time but I have time now.
I am still in contact with Emma and we still both help each other to heal. As what is a friend?
About our relationship and my recovery
About our relationship, the abuse you will have to wait to read my book. There is too much to go into in a blog.
But remember the book is taking a long time to write due to the trauma. I have to make sure i am protecting myself while writing it.
One day I will do a blog about my recovery. You may be shocked how I recovered from brain damage in Cambodia. Let alone have brain surgery in Cambodia.
But let me tell you a small amount about our relationship.
When we first started dating I knew that Sissy was on tablets. I did know they were for some form of mental problems, as she told me.
Sadly I never asked what the mental problems were. I thought she would tell me when she was ready.
I actually thought she had bipolar, due to her crazy ups and her very bad downs. She would tell me she felt so good and that she did not need to take her medicine anymore. As I had helped her overcome those problems.
Sissy would say she has never been with someone so amazing, in front of people. That she had found the true love of her life. Her soul mate. Then behind their backs she would be mentally abusing me.
Her behaviour would switch from being wonderful
To then locking me out of the bedroom or the house
As the locking me out became so often I even had to hide keys to the house and the bedroom.
She would never remember the abuse or so I thought.
We had split up months before the accident and the night of the accident was our first date after us splitting up.
There are different sides to psychopaths. Some have no memory and some know exactly what they are doing. So it is always hard to know what’s the truth.
Do not touch my things
Her personal stuff was locked away and I was never allowed to go near it.
I’d never normally touch any ones stuff. As I believe in having your own personal space. One time I did though. I must of felt suspicious about something.
She must of had a certain way she locked things away. As when she came home she screamed have you touched my stuff.
The abuse I got after that I can not actually remember. This was due to my dissociation but I remember that I never touched her stuff again.
Partners should have their own private areas and thoughts. But I suppose if you have something that doesn’t feel right in a relationship you should maybe check.
That one I am still not sure about though. So don’t take that as advice.
Now I wish I had looked at lot more but to be honest this would have made no difference. She had complete control over me.
This is what narcissists do
Narcissists or psychopaths are the best deceivers and can fool even their own mum.
Look at Charles Manson and the control he had on people. If you would like to read more about him click on this link. True crimes.
It still breaks my heart that I allowed her to do this to me. Normally I can be very strong and spot psychopaths, but this time I failed big time.
I feel good that I eventually had the strength to get away from her. That I am alive and that I am still here to help others.
It also feels good that I have made a friend that I never knew I would make friends with.
Takeaway
I want to thank my friend
So, I want to thank my friend for how much she helped me. Also I want to apologise for believing what others told me about you.
This thanks comes from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for being an amazing person and just listening to a friend in need. This post is for you. You know who you are.
So please remember everyone when a friend asks for help please help. All you have to do is just listen. It is so important as you have no idea why they are asking for help until you listen.
Get help now if you think you are in danger.
Also I suggest reading some of these great books.
They really helped me.
- Happiness hypothesis – Jonathan Har
-
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
- Breaking the Habit of being yourself – Joe Dispenza
Have a wonderful day everyone and remember find out for yourself what a person is truly like. Don’t listen to others.
