Grooming – 7 helpful ways to know a well-meaning adult or a predator

Predators or rapists

How do you know?

It’s a sad reality that predators and rapists can come from any walk of life. Teachers, priests, pastors, family members, safety officers, school guardians, NGO caretakers, and even fundraisers—anyone can be a child predator or rapist. While some are easy to spot, many hide in the background, using social media or operating within groups. As our world evolves with more social media apps and smartphones, so do the tactics of these predators.

Recently, a friend asked me, “What is grooming?” This question struck a chord with me, as I’ve lived in Cambodia for 15 years and have witnessed many horrific experiences, often involving the expat community. Cambodia, the Kingdom of Wonder, is a beautiful country, but it has also seen its share of heartbreak. My passion has always been to help the Khmer people, who have endured so much. We expats should be here to support, not exploit, the incredible children and future generations of Cambodia.

What is grooming?

Grooming is the process of normalising inappropriate behaviour between minors and adults. It’s a set of actions that an adult takes to subtly or overtly assert inappropriate control and power over a vulnerable person, such as a child or youth—and sometimes even adults. Groomers manipulate their victims into believing that the relationship is normal and that they are safe and trustworthy. The ultimate goal of grooming is abuse.

Types of grooming

1. Physical Grooming
   This involves desensitising the victim to touch. It often starts with innocent gestures like pats on the back or arm but gradually escalates to hugging, tickling, massaging, or even wrestling. Over time, the child or youth becomes conditioned to accept increasingly inappropriate physical contact. The groomer uses this to make the victim receptive to sexual contact, a deliberate and calculated process.
2. Community Grooming
   Predators often create a controlled environment around themselves, projecting an image of trustworthiness and care. They may share posts on social media about their charitable work or post pictures of themselves with children to gain the trust of the community. This allows them to operate under the radar, making it difficult for others to believe any allegations against them. If suspicions arise, the community often dismisses them, unwittingly enabling the predator to continue their abuse.

7 Signs of Grooming to Watch Out For

Signs of Grooming to Watch Out For

1. Excessive Interest in You or Your Child
   While it’s nice when someone takes an interest in you, be wary if they’re texting or contacting you excessively. Groomers often make grand promises but fail to follow through, using gifts or excessive help as a way to manipulate their victims. They work hard to befriend their victims and earn their trust, only to exploit it later.
2. Inappropriate Adult Conversations
   Predators may discuss intimate relationships or sexual topics with their victims. They might also rely on the victim for emotional support, creating a sense of dependency. For example, they may cry when they see you or ask for excessive hugs, making you feel responsible for their emotional well-being.
3. Encouraging Secrecy
   If someone tells you to keep secrets from your parents or others, this is a major red flag. Groomers often use secrecy to isolate their victims and maintain control. For example, they might say, “Don’t tell your mum or dad. They won’t understand,” or “Don’t tell anyone I rubbed your belly. It’s just between us.”
4. Seeking Alone Time
   Predators often try to get their victims alone to test boundaries and gauge their reactions. If an adult insists on spending time with you without other adults present, be cautious. Isolation is a key part of their control.
5. Filling Emotional Gaps
   Groomers often exploit vulnerabilities, offering support and comfort to create a bond. They make themselves indispensable, gradually gaining control over their victim’s emotions and actions. If you’re struggling with something and feel you have no one to talk to, a groomer will use this opportunity to get closer to you.
6. Offering Drugs or Alcohol
   Substances are a common tool used by groomers to lower inhibitions and make their victims more compliant. If an adult offers you drugs or alcohol, this is a clear warning sign. Mind-altering substances can make it harder for victims to resist or consent.
7. Inappropriate Touching
   Physical grooming often starts with innocent touches but escalates over time. If an adult who is not a parent or guardian begins to touch you in ways that feel uncomfortable, trust your instincts and seek help. Groomers use touch to desensitise their victims, making it easier to progress to more inappropriate contact.

Take away

Grooming is dangerous but can be difficult to spot, especially if you’re the victim. It often happens over a long period and in subtle ways. Be on the lookout for signs like an adult trying to get alone time with a child, having inappropriate conversations, or engaging in inappropriate touching. Trust your gut instincts—if something feels wrong, it usually is.

If you’re a minor and think someone is grooming you, distance yourself from the groomer immediately. Tell a trusted adult who isn’t involved in the situation, such as a teacher, school counsellor, or organisation like the NSPCC or APLE Cambodia (if you’re in Cambodia). Don’t let a perpetrator ruin your life. You deserve to follow your dreams and live free from abuse.

Related Blogs

To learn more about protecting vulnerable individuals and fighting exploitation, check out these related blogs:

1. Child Trafficking – Help Fight 2 End Slavery & Trafficking
   Discover how child trafficking operates and what you can do to help end this global crisis.
2. Begging Children And The Detrimental Harm Of $1 In Cambodia
   Learn why giving money to begging children can do more harm than good and how you can support sustainable solutions instead.

External Resources

For further information and support, visit these trusted organisations:

• APLE Cambodia
• NSPCC (UK)
• ECPAT International
• UNICEF Cambodia

If you found this blog helpful, please share it to raise awareness about the signs of grooming and exploitation. Together, we can create a safer world for everyone.