Passive-Aggressive People
Most of us encounter passive-aggressive people at some point in our lives. It might be a mother who constantly nitpicks, a co-worker who uses sarcasm to undermine, or a boss who drops hints but never directly addresses issues. Being around a passive-aggressive person can take a toll on your mental health, leaving you frustrated, exhausted, and emotionally drained. Learn how to master passive-aggression and protect your peace with effective strategies.
What Is Passive-Aggressive Behaviour?
Passive-aggressive behaviour is a hidden form of anger. Unlike someone who openly expresses frustration, a passive-aggressive person conceals their anger behind subtle digs, avoidance, or manipulation. They may not even realise they’re angry, but their behaviour, sarcastic remarks, silent treatment, or deliberate procrastination, reveals their true emotions.
If you regularly deal with passive-aggressive people, it’s crucial to recognise the behaviour and take steps to protect your well-being. Here’s how to break the cycle and stop enabling their toxic patterns.
1. Hold Them Accountable
When you ignore passive-aggressive behaviour, you unintentionally encourage it. If you’re a people-pleaser, this can be especially damaging. You might absorb subtle emotional abuse to keep the peace, but this only reinforces the pattern.
Instead, address their behaviour directly. If a colleague constantly makes backhanded comments, call them out calmly: “I noticed your comment about my work earlier. If there’s an issue, I would appreciate it if we discussed it openly.” Setting boundaries forces them to take responsibility for their actions.
Building confidence in confronting difficult people takes practice. Check out Release Regret | 12 Steps To Unstoppable Confidence & Growth for guidance on personal empowerment.
2. Stop Apologising for Their Feelings
Unless you’ve genuinely done something wrong, don’t apologise. Passive-aggressive people often guilt-trip others into feeling responsible for their emotions.
For example, if your boss frequently makes snide remarks like, “Leaving early again?”, but never directly states expectations, don’t fall into the trap of over-explaining or apologising. Instead, ask, “Would you like me to stay later? If so, please let me know directly.” This shifts the responsibility back onto them.
3. Prioritise Your Needs
Passive-aggressive individuals are skilled at making others cater to their preferences. They manipulate situations to control decisions, dictating social plans, imposing their routines, or guilt-tripping others into compliance.
They rarely want to put in the effort themselves but seek recognition for how much they ‘do’ for others. This behaviour stems from a need for validation, often at your expense.
Stop adjusting your life to accommodate their demands. If a friend always insists on late dinner reservations despite knowing you have early mornings, suggest an earlier time. If they refuse, let them make their own plans. Standing firm sends the message that your needs matter too.
If people-pleasing is something you struggle with, read Unstoppable You | 6 Timeless Qualities To Build An Unshakable Life to strengthen your self-worth.
4. Don’t Engage in Their Game
Passive-aggressive individuals often provoke emotional reactions while avoiding direct confrontation themselves. Their goal is to get under your skin, making you feel frustrated or angry, while they remain seemingly calm and collected, even if their expressions betray them.
Resist the urge to react emotionally. If you sense their behaviour is designed to push your buttons, take a step back. Breathe deeply, and if needed, physically remove yourself from the situation. Remember, their actions stem from their own struggles and insecurities, not your worth.
For more ways to manage stress and stay centred, explore5 Simple Habits To Reduce Stress Today
5. Address the Issue Head-On
Eventually, you may need to confront the passive-aggressive person about their behaviour. However, this requires careful preparation. Avoid accusing them of being passive-aggressive, as they’ll likely deny it or become defensive.
Instead, focus on specific behaviours and how they affect you. Say something like, “When you say one thing but mean another, it confuses me and makes it hard for us to communicate. I’d appreciate it if we could be more direct with each other.” If they refuse to change, be clear about the consequences, whether that means limiting interactions or setting firmer boundaries.
Final Thoughts
Rise Above Their Negativity
The best way to handle passive-aggressive people is to avoid letting their behaviour affect your peace of mind. Instead of reacting with frustration, recognise that their actions stem from unhappiness and insecurity.
The next time a co-worker makes a snide remark or a friend guilt-trips you, choose to rise above it. Protect your energy, prioritise clear communication, and focus on surrounding yourself with people who bring positivity into your life.
If you’re on a journey of personal growth and resilience, you might also find inspiration in Perseverance – 5 Awe-Inspiring Lessons On How To Keep Going and 5 Helpful Steps To Take When Overcoming Life’s Challenges.
If you’re struggling to deal with a passive-aggressive person, please reach out in the comments below or seek professional support. Here are just a few people you can reach out to.
In the UK, you can contact Mind or Samaritans
In the USA, you can reach out to NAMI or Mental Health America
In Cambodia, you can reach out to TPO Cambodia or ChildSafe
