Dating

Can cause a psychological scar

I never knew what a narcissist was before I ended up with brain damage. As I had never even heard the word. I also never in my wildest dreams thought I would end up dating a person with these characteristics.  Let alone end up with brain damage. but it seems to be that 1 in 2, survivors of domestic abuse may live with a brain injury according to Headway UK.

We all think we are indestructible, especially if we have left our own country to live the dream. Cambodia was and still is my dream. I will never change my love of this country, even if I did end up spending thousands of $$$$$ at one of the hospitals. But at least it was for a good cause, as the hospitals in this country need a lot of help.

This was not the country’s fault. This was my fault for dating someone with severe psychological problems. Many expats complain about the healthcare system in Cambodia. Usually, they expect the same service they would receive in the Western world.

But I have nothing but admiration for the health care system. Especially as my life was saved by the wonderful Cambodian neurosurgeon, Im Sophorn and the Royal Rattanak Hospital.

Waking up in hospital

Where am I?

When I first woke up in a room in the hospital I was surrounded by people. I looked at them and my first thought was why is James Bond and that famous actress standing at the end of my bed? I felt annoyed because I couldn’t remember her name.

Looking around the room I saw a girl standing next to me. I felt scared looking at her and annoyed.

I tried to ask her who she was but the words would not come out. I tried to ask who were these other people but I could not speak. Many thoughts just kept running through my head. Then there would be the haze.

The next memory I had was lots of people in white coats. They are standing over me. I am in a metal room with clanking sounds. Am I moving? I hear a bell it must be a lift. Pictures on the walls pass me by.

People are saying “Keep still.”

I am annoyed again, I’m annoyed I am annoyed. I don’t want to keep still and how dare they tell me what to do. Who are they?

Recovery

Over the next few years, I recovered bit by bit but that was also hard to do. My ex who was supposedly looking after me was also abusing me mentally and sometimes physically.

Having brain damage was perfect, as she could control me even more and the whole town thought she was helping me. Thus she looked good.

As I had brain damage and was dosed up on tramadol I had no voice.

As the years passed I started having bad memories

Also Psychological problems

Six years had passed. But the memories had not passed. I started to feel things were not right. I felt scared and could not work out why.

The reason why I was scared was I stopped disassociating. I disassociate bad events so that I never have to face up to them. But recently I had started to take control of my life and heal myself and these thoughts became very clear.

At the beginning of my recovery, I always knew something was not right. Mainly because all the stories she told me were so different. But I just thought it was the brain damage confusing me. Plus she always told me she had never said that if I ever brought it up.

I never had the guts or strength to speak out to others, mainly because my ex had me dosed up on tramadol every four hours. Also, she made me feel like I was always wrong. Four months after my accident I did try and speak out. That ended very badly.

My ex had returned from a 10-day retreat at Vipassana. She came back acting all happy so I thought this was the time to tell her I had researched the tablets she had me on and I had stopped taking them.

That was a bad move. I only got more abuse as she locked me in the house, hid the keys and stabbed me in the hand.

Messaging Emma

One day I had the most terrible fear. I felt sick as if my brain was asking for answers. So I decided to message my ex-girlfriend’s sister,  Emma.

I’ve changed the names because this is a true story. I don’t want people to name names and point fingers. There is enough hatred in the world these days.

I knew Emma would have some of the information that I needed. I also knew Emma would help me as we had become friends over the last few years.

My ex who I have called Sissy had called her sister Emma the night of the accident.

• The first bit I found out was that my ex-girlfriend Sissy had left me in the hospital and gone back to my house with my keys.

We had been split up for months and this was our first date after being split up. She also had my phone and my wallet. As she always made out the police stole her phone the night of the accident.

• The second part I found out was that she caused the accident.

• The third bit I found out was she left me to die in the first hospital I was taken to.

Many pieces about the night started coming together. It was now easy to see the parts that never added up. Like the fact that Sissy wore a dress that night, yet she never had before.

It was our first date after being split up for three months. Only because she phoned me to tell me she would kill herself.

Emma was thrilled that I had contacted her

Emma had just been through another horrific ordeal with her sister. She told me she needed someone to talk to who would understand what she had just been through.

It felt like fate that I had messaged her. She knew I was someone who had witnessed the abuse and anger that could come from her sister. She said she felt closer to me as she knew I had been through something horrific at the hands of her sister too.

Emma’s story is heartbreaking as it involves a blood relative. When your flesh and blood can be nasty let alone dangerous that must hurt.

Emma told me that her sister had tried to kidnap her son. Sharing this information was what helped us heal.

Emma told me she had been studying narcissism and psychopaths recently.

That she knows her sister has many of the traits within her. This is why she was in and out of psychiatric hospitals when they were growing up.

She told me she was worse when she stopped taking her medicine. Which she had when I was with her. She also mentioned she was diagnosed with either Bipolar or Schizophrenia.

I believe people should be aware of dangerous people. So please read as much information as you can if you ever feel uncomfortable in a relationship.  So that you can protect yourself.

I am still in contact on and off with Emma and I will always be there for her if she needs to talk. Talking is a big healer in life.

My “accident” was 11 years ago

This trauma will live with me forever. But I deal with the trauma of it and I find ways to cope with it. PTSD is not easy and it happens to many people. Please get help if you are suffering from PTSD.

I am lucky as I recovered almost 100% after my coma and brain damage. I was told by all doctors and nurses I should not be alive, let alone walk and talk.

Thus I believe I was saved for a reason and that reason is to help others. I believe in Karma and one day Karma will play its part.

Takeaway

As with any abuse, it takes a long time to get over it and you have to keep working on it for the rest of your life. There is nothing you can do but spend every day healing yourself.

People who have never suffered brain damage or abuse have no idea how it leaves you feeling. It is not their fault sometimes you have to experience something yourself to know how it feels.

If you have a friend who has suffered brain damage. Please be there for them, no matter what. Just take a few minutes out of your life to be there. It may be very important.

Just take one minute to ask them in private how are you truly and listen for what they do not say.

If you have a friend who has suffered or is suffering from being with a narcissist.  Please be there for them no matter what too.

Remember even if it is years after the event. The trauma never goes away for the person who has suffered the abuse. So be mindful when talking.

Please get help now if you think you are in danger.