My Journey to Self-Love
A Path to Authentic Happiness and Empowerment
Self-love is a journey, not a destination. It’s a practice that evolves over time, offering profound insights and transformative growth. My own journey—from struggle to joy—began many years ago, though I didn’t fully grasp its significance until I realised it held the answers to so many of my deepest questions.
The Struggle
A Life of Dissociation and Survival
As a teenager, I battled an eating disorder and depression, struggles that persisted for over thirty-five years. Looking back, much of that time feels like a blur. I often dissociated from the pain of existence, merely surviving rather than truly living. Despite working in a job that required constant interaction with others, I found myself avoiding people outside of work. Each day felt like a new obstacle to overcome, and I was exhausted from the relentless effort of just existing.
The Turning Point
Discovering Self-Love
About five years ago, I reached a pivotal moment in my life. Through perseverance and exploration, I discovered tools that helped me cope with the lows I faced. One of the most impactful was the practice of self-love. I immersed myself in books on the subject, trained as an Emotional Intelligence coach, studied Psychology, and wrote daily affirmations that I pinned on my wall. I began treating myself with more kindness and appreciation, and I found solace in helping others—whether people in need or animals.
Yet, despite these efforts, I came to realise that my understanding of self-love was incomplete. It’s more than affirmations and acts of kindness; it’s about accepting myself wholly, flaws and all, and nurturing a genuine connection with myself.
The Evolution of Self-Love
I vividly remember asking my boyfriend, “How much more work on self-love do I need to do? Isn’t thirty-five years enough?” We were on a plane returning from the UK after helping my parents, and I felt utterly helpless and discouraged. Despite all the inner work I had put in, it seemed like nothing was changing.
I was frustrated. I believed that after dedicating so much time to improving myself, things should have been different. I expected to attract supportive people who shared my passion for helping animals. I wanted a fulfilling job where I didn’t feel used or controlled, and I thought my entrepreneurial efforts should have been more successful. Above all, I longed for happiness.
But life had more lessons to teach me before I could truly grasp the essence of self-love.
The Breakthrough
A Moment of Profound Realisation
A few years later, my frustration with my job peaked. While others in Kampot, Cambodia, enjoyed a live music night, I remained tied to my teaching responsibilities. During a moment of reflection—perhaps while sorting through my teaching materials—a realisation hit me like a bolt of lightning.
Suddenly, I felt a profound sense of self-appreciation flooding my entire being. Kindness and compassion enveloped me without reason or effort. In that moment, I saw how harshly I had been treating myself all these years, betraying and abandoning myself in countless ways.
I understood that until I truly loved and honoured myself, I couldn’t find a more fulfilling job, receive help for my animal advocacy, or experience genuine happiness. It was my lack of self-love that held me back, making me feel unworthy of the success and joy I sought.
It took time to integrate this realisation and understand how my self-love, or lack thereof, directly influenced my unsuccessful businesses, draining career, and overall dissatisfaction with life.
Self-Love in Action
Transformative Insights
In the years that followed, I deepened my understanding of self-love. I used to think it was merely a feeling toward myself, but now I see it as a daily practice. Self-love is about consistently choosing myself, prioritising my needs, and treating myself with kindness and compassion. It’s about selecting people, situations, and experiences that uplift and serve me well.
Practicing self-love has been transformative. When I consciously started putting myself first, avoiding toxic relationships, and opting for fulfilling opportunities, my life changed dramatically.
1. Taking Charge of Your Life
I realised I always had a choice: to make fear-driven decisions or empowered ones that aligned with my authenticity. I stopped trying to please others, accommodating unworthy people, and engaging in activities that didn’t fulfil me. When you prioritise self-love, you’ll recognise the importance of your wants and needs and begin honouring them.
2. Setting Stronger Boundaries in Love
By respecting my own needs, I grew more confident and assertive in my new relationship. I eventually found true love after struggling for years. When you establish boundaries from a place of self-love, you’ll feel empowered to stop repeating patterns with unsuitable partners.
3. Freedom from Seeking Approval
The most liberating change was no longer seeking approval from others. As I embraced self-respect and self-love, I stopped worrying about others’ opinions and behaviours to gain their approval. This shift allowed me to be more authentic and less defensive, living true to my values.
4. Making Courageous Decisions
Leaving my draining job to pursue a slower, more peaceful lifestyle was a decision I made out of self-respect. It wasn’t easy, but it allowed me to prioritise my well-being and happiness. Additionally, finding the courage to love again despite past hurts was a transformative experience.
5. Enjoying Solitude
Instead of filling my schedule with meetings and dates to feel wanted, I started enjoying activities I truly loved, like swimming, gardening, building a website, and writing. Reconnecting with myself made spending time alone even more enjoyable.
6. Strengthening Self-Connection
Investing time in self-care has profoundly deepened my relationship with myself. No longer feeling desperate for external validation, I’ve discovered immense joy in my own company. Embracing self-friendship has boosted my self-assurance and enabled me to trust my instincts fully.
Discovering Happiness
The Power of Self-Love
In my journey of self-discovery, I’ve learned a profound truth: happiness isn’t dependent on external validation or relationships. It begins within ourselves, through the practice of self-love.
Loving myself taught me that I didn’t need a partner to be happy. Instead of seeking happiness externally, I discovered that the love and fulfilment I sought were already within me. This shift in perspective was transformative. I began to take responsibility for my happiness and stopped relying on others for fulfilment. Happiness ceased to be a distant goal; it became a present reality to cherish and appreciate.
Takeaway
How to Start Loving Yourself More
To begin loving yourself more, start by prioritising your own needs and desires daily. When faced with decisions, take a moment to check in with yourself:
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Daily Self-Check-in: Ask yourself, “What would feel loving in this situation?”
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Powerful Questions: Delve deeper with these essential questions:
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Does this choice feel good and right for me?
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Will it serve my well-being?
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Will it bring me energy and vitality?
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By asking these questions, you’ll learn to honour your own needs and remain true to yourself with kindness and compassion.
Final Thoughts
There’s a wealth of depth to explore on this topic, and I’ll reserve more insights for a future article. Remember, embracing self-love holds transformative potential for your life. Why not begin practising it today?
Join me on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Together, let’s harness the power of self-love to discover happiness within ourselves, nurture independence, and trust in the natural evolution of relationships.
Explore More on Self-Love and Personal Growth
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Recommended Resources
If you’re ready to dive deeper into self-love, check out these trusted resources:
- Greater Good Magazine: Science-based insights on happiness and self-compassion.
- Tiny Buddha: Inspiring stories and practical tips on self-love and personal growth.
- Mindful.org: Learn how mindfulness and self-compassion can transform your life.
- Positive Psychology: Free exercises and tools to practice self-love and build resilience
